The Delivery (trigger read with caution)

So we all know Covid 19 or ‘the Pandemic’, its been a tough and awful two years for most of us. Its been trying and its been just a rollercoaster of emotions. During the emotional rollercoaster I was on my own baby coaster. The Pandemic started in Feb/March 2020 and my due date was April 2020, the weeks and days coming up to the day my baby was coming into the world was nerve wrecking. I was hearing of all these restrictions and lock downs and utter panic around me. My job had sent everyone home and no one was to go into the office just days before my maternity leave kicked in so I wasnt due back in the office for some time anyway, that was fine. One thing wasnt fine though the maternity hospitals werent allowing partners or visitors of any kind in so when I did go into labour it was pretty much a solo journey in there.

My husband dropped me off at the door of the hospital with my bags in tow and off I wobbled in through the doors terrified and already a little lonely, masks werent a thing at that time as it was all very very new but everyone seemed to be avoiding people like this disease was contagious on eye sight. Anyway a kind nurse checked all my bits and bobs and confirmed yup it was time to be admitted but unfortunately hubby either stayed in the car for who knows how long or goes home until I was ready to push and then he could cross through the hospital doors and stay for the birth of his son (I guess during those hours he wouldnt be transmissible if he were infected…)

I’ve only been in labour the once and for me it was ok, it took a good 10 hours for any movement but it was ok, the best advice I was given was to bring in a stress ball which I had with me the whole time, he became my birthing partner in the absence of my husband and honestly I think this stress ball helped me focus and got me through the tough parts until my husband was able to be by my side so I am so grateful for this advice. I also took a bath in the hospital as the midwife said it might help, the bath was tough because I had no assistance getting in or out and I was just a bit lost, as I said it was the start of the pandemic so noone really knew what to be doing but one thing was for sure they werent doing anything too close to anyone let alone assisting patients. I do feel a little bit robbed to be honest of my labour experience as I am sure everyone was very much off their game with the fear of the unknown back then.

Finally my boy was ready to come and I was ready to push so I rang my partner and he drove straight in, I dont remember too much as I was on much needed air and gas and the epidural which I am glad I decided to get as pain started to skyrocket the closer the contractions got. I pushed and pushed and pushed until I almost took a midwifes shoulder socket out but my baby still didnt want to move any further so there was talk of episiotomy to which I cried let me do it I can push I can and I did with two last big pushes he popped right out but not without leaving a couple of tears in the canal on the way. The midwives tried to stitch me up quickly as I was losing a lot of blood but it wasnt a job they could do so I had to be taken to theatre where a large group of doctors were waiting and big bright lights blinded a scared and very panicked shell of myself.

They stitched me up quick enough however I had hemmoraged and lost over a litre and a half of blood so doctors needed to monitor me to see if I needed a blood transfusion. I was very weak and tired and absolutely drained so I couldn’t really take much in but my beautiful son and my husband were allowed down to see me, I was so happy to see my husband but I couldnt bare to look at my son just yet, I felt as though I had let him down. Already I wasnt his big strong protector, in that moment I was a mess and I didnt know how to pull myself up to give him everything he needed.

The doctors decided as my blood count started to grow back I didnt need a blood transfusion and I could go up to the wards, that was good news right…. Kind of but my husband couldnt come up, he had to go back home for the next few days while I stayed and tried to heal myself whilst taking care of a new baby. I was tramatized by all of this but I had to get on with it. The wards were much the same as the delivery rooms, midwives afraid to come too close etc etc, it was a bit of a shambles. I had to ask for a cot to be attached to my bed as I couldnt stand up to go to the mobile cots, one midwife said ‘Oh you are the hemorrage’ and that was the last I saw of her…. Looking back now I am not too surprised at how the next few days played out but for now I will leave it here until I am ready to open these wounds again


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