Something I don’t talk a lot about is my past relationship with an emotional bully who managed to keep me in his grasp for years. My friends told me I needed to get out but I didn’t see it, I lost friends who could not bare to keep seeing me be treated so badly and not be able to acknowledge what was happening to me until the very last straw when he laid a hand on me. It took literally everything inside me to get out of that situation not only because we had been together for so long and despite everything I still wanted to believe there was good in him but also because I was on the other side of the world with him and leaving meant I would have to travel 32 hours on my own to get back to my friends and my family. It’s something though that I knew I had to do, enough was enough and luckily for my sister who it was very hard to get in touch with as he had changed my pin code on my phone and locked the device. I still managed to make contact with her and with a click of a button she had me booked on a flight home the next day. I just had to get the 8 hour bus ride from pretty much the middle of the desert to the nearest airport and wait for my first flight to take me half way home and a second flight to complete my journey back to freedom. The story unfortunately didn’t end there however as only a matter of weeks later he appeared again but the rest is a story for another time…
It can be hard to see or really understand that you are being bullied emotionally especially when it’s by the person that’s supposed to care for you the most. I guess in my situation the signs were there from the beginning but some key signs are:
• If he doesn’t get along with your family that’s a problem
• If your friends don’t like him and warn you he’s no good for you maybe you need to listen to them
• You are afraid of upsetting him because he might get angry and you don’t know what he’ll do then
• If he shouts at you and calls you names in person or over the phone, you don’t deserve that!
• If he puts you down, hurts your feelings or belittles you it’s not right, it is not okay.
• If he makes you feel guilty for wanting to see your friends/family or not letting him do what he wants, if he tries to dominate you and the relationship, you need to stand up for yourself
• If he hits you then I’m sorry but it is simple and probably takes a lot of people too long to come to terms with but you need to LEAVE, right now – get up and GO.
It took me too long to come to terms with my broken relationship, I’m still not 100% clear on how or why I let it go on for so long. I think I felt like things were my fault but isn’t that the job of a manipulator right, to be the one in control and make you feel worthless or over dependant on them. I will tell you all right now though that leaving was the best thing that I have ever done, yes it was extremely difficult I’m not going to lie but for that feeling of freedom and the life you allow yourself to have it is so incredibly worth it.
I have now found the man of my dreams, he cares for me with all of his heart and we have more love then some people will ever know.
There is a brave warrior inside of all of us, find him/her and let them free. So speak out, seek help if you need it. Be strong and be brave enough to give yourself the gift of true happiness.
One other important lesson, once you leave then leave for good. Do not let them try to get back in, no matter what they say because it is only in very rare cases that these people will change and if they do it will not be forever.